I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
