Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
