Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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