god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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