her vagine was all disorganized.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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