Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
