; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
