Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
