are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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