I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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