I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
