whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
