Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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