you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
