I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
