So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
