If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
