It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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