My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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