hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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