A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
