Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
