i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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