She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
is it fun? or sober?
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