If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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