Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
