she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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