I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
