buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
