i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
