brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
