you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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