Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
