She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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