well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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