Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
