okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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