you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
