hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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