The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
