just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
