They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize