you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
