so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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