1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
