i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
