I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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