I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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