Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
