Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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