WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
