it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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