I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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