corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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