Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
