Where is the hickey?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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