Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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