I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
