I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
