She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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