Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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