There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
