The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
