weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
