I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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