Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
