The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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