Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
