i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
