Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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