His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
