I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
