So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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