You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
