i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
