I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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