i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
