No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
