He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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