You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
